Tuesday, January 25, 2011

No Quarter

Shit balls do I fucking hate the academy awards. I feel like the academy awards and the golden globes are now the gateway for the douchebags of hollywood to all come together and revel in their douchebagery. We'll I say NAY, I shan't stand for this intolerable cruelty any further. They announced the nominations for the academy awards today and they are discerning to say the least. For the second year in a row, the academy nominates 10 films for best picture. seriously?!? 10 fucking films for best picture.

This is an awards show, it's supposed to be celebrating the best movies of the year. How the fuck are we supposed to know the best movies of the year when they nominate every fucking movie for best picture. And they aren't even good movies either. They get worse and worse every year. I can deal with inception getting a nod even though that movie is not as good as everyone says. Just cause a movie was one huge mindfuck doesn't make it Oscar worthy. No, my grievance lies solely with the movie THE KINGS SPEECH.

Let me run you down the synopsis for this little gem that has 12 nominations. And I quote, "King George VI works with speech therapist Lionel Logue to help him with his stammer."

Yeah, that movie was nominated for 12 academy awards. Are you fucking kidding me? The whole movie is about a guy who has a fucking stutter? How the fuck does this movie receive 12 academy award nominations. Who is running that department? That has got to be the most boring movie I have ever seen. Who the fuck read that synopsis and just went, shit honey get in the car we gotta see this thing. The fact that it is up for best picture baffles me.

With that logic, the movie I'm going to write now should have no problem sealing at least 7 nominations. The synopsis and I quote, "Young Charlie Ewing helps his best friend Tyler Courage overcome an anal leakage problem." BOOM I'll take my academy award now thank you very much. I even have a better name picked out. We'll call it Leaky Faucet. I can already see Robert Deniro and the rest of the academy jizzing in their pants over this hot new script. Seriously though, if the kings speech can be nominated then there's no way they'd snub Leaky Faucet.

If this movie wins, it'll be the worst academy awards since Slumdog Millionaire. My other problem with ten best picture nods is the fact that they're are movies in there nominated that stand no chance of winning. Why the fuck is Toy Story 3 nominated for best picture? Who the fuck really expects to see toy story 3 walk away with the gold. That'll be worse then Cena winning the Royal Rumble this year. Thats two years in a row now that Pixar has been nominated for best picture cmon why the fuck are they in best picture when they're already nominated in best animated feature which we all fucking know they're going to win. It's fucking redundant. They could have easily left that one out in favor of a much better movie. Like cmon where was Piranha 3-D's nomination academy huh? Fucking amateurs. Like black swan gets nominated and that movie was one whole big lez fest with mila kunis going down on portman but piranha gets snubbed. They had just as much fake sex as black swan. The academy just jizzes for all things gay. (EXAMPLE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN) Like forgods sake let the straight people win something again. Fucking tired of this gay movement. Same thing with this black movement. The academy jizzes of black movies. It's insane. The white straight man can't win shit anymore.

Also, if christian bale wins we riot. I hate christian bale now, he's such an over actor. Like we get it man this is your passion. But he takes method acting to a whole new level. He's just a giant douche. Your batman voice isn't cool. You losing enormous amounts of weight and then putting it back on is not cool. It's not even healthy. You are putting your life at risk for a 120 minute film that I don't even care to see. You ruined terminator and if it wasn't for heath ledger the dark knight would have blown. Just like the new batman is gonna blow.

I hope to god in my future years of writing feature films that I never write a movie boring enough to get an academy award nomination. I'll take a golden globe but fuck the academy awards. You screw people over. You screwed Jeremy Renner over for best actor to give it to the way past his prime Jeff Bridges. Just because it might be his last time being nominated doesn't mean he should win it. Give it to the right people academy. I'll be coming sooner or later for my Best Original Screenplay award.


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