My Highway To Hell

so it's sunday. For once actually dreading going to work which is weird since I get paid good money for doing jack shit so I don't know why I don't want to go so badly. Tonight's post I decided to really go deep and share some tidbit of knowledge with you all that I have never shared with anyone before in my life. 

The reasoning I've never told anybody this was because it destroyed me. I don't care so much now since I actually figured out the faith in which I believe in but as a kid when this story happened and I still believe in god it was a tremendous blow for me and I was so afraid for so long that what I did was going to send me to hell. Not like that story matters now since there are hundreds of things that I'm going to be persecuted for. 

Anyway this story happened somewhere between seventh and eighth grade right after the september eleventh attacks. The single handedly worst thing that happened to this country. I'm indifferent to it now. back then I thought it meant the end of us all. Now it's nothing but a memory of a dark day. Bodies lost that are pointless to mourn now. It's in the past. Fuck the past. 

I had to be in a religion class because my dad wanted me to have a communion and confirmation and all that bullshit. It means nothing to me now just wasted time that could have been spent on better things then learning about a fictional fucking character. So one night in religion we learned that we could collect money, toys, etc. to bring into our religion class that they would send to the kids and families that have lost a life in the twin towers. This was back in my days of thinking I was an honorable person that tried to do good and was a good person. I realize now that it's a mistake. I'm not a good person. I'm not even an okay person. 

So I made a sign that said to help out the world trade center fund. I sat out in my driveway all day with a jug and made around 100 dollars from people putting in dollars to five dollars, etc. I couldn't believe how good I did. I put the money aside waiting for my next religion class next week. Things didn't go accordingly to plan. Next week the day before religion my mom took us to the book story cause she had to run errands. Inside was the third volume collection of spiderman comics. About 100 comics in one book which was about 60 bucks. I dug into my wallet. The money for the world trade center kids was there. 

I spent the 60 bucks that was supposed to go to the world trade center kids who lost a life to buy spiderman comics. I spent the rest on movies and cd's. Religion came the next day and I had nothing to give to the kids who lost practically everything by loosing their parents. But what do I care right? I'm the evil soul remember.

So there it is. The single thing that made me rethink about my faith, my religion, and my belief in God. It really signified it two years later when on the day before september 11th my first year of college I told the professor I couldn't come in because I spend the day with my mom mourning the death of my father in the twin towers who if you know me at all is a complete lie. both my parents are alive. I just didn't want to go to school. 

I have no shame. I have no filter. I have no hope.

Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp

It's been a long day. Having a terminator marathon with rado last night wasn't a good idea. Watching commando after the marathon at 3 in the morning didn't anything good to the mix either. By the time we went to bed at 530 I was dead but the sleep was great if only my family didn't call every two hours to check in. We slept till 3 and got breakfast at Ihop it was superb. We then went to the gym and he's at his house showering now. He's staying with me all weekend since he can't be at his house really for too long since their putting in wood floors so we've been together for a while so far. It's now my only time alone and I'm so tired I can't even bring myself to jerk off. That is when you know you've hit rock bottom when you don't even have the energy to spank your dick. It's been like that a lot lately and it gets even worse that it's been so long since anyone since myself has touched my log.

I haven't had sex since february and it is driving me out of my fucking mind. I'm a sex-aholic. It's all I can think about besides alcohol. I need to have sex. It's been so long I've driven myself into my own diluted fantasies. I've watched so much porn in the past three months that I can't tell now in real life what's real and what's porno. The other day I ordered pizza and was offended when the lady didn't fuck me after giving me the pizza.

I tutor a girl at nassau for english and I am flabbergasted when she doesn't give me a blowie for helping her boost her grade up.

It's been a terrible three months of this. I need help. I'm a sex addict that can't find the absolution of even an ugly girl for me to put my dick in. It's quite a predicament. There's not much romance in beating your dick till it's beat red and out of cum. The worst is the fantasies are getting worse. It's not just about these random people anymore but just having a simple conversation with some of my very best friends turns into a sex fantasy for me.

Walking home drunk the other day I found myself fantasizing that Kim Arevelo would pull up to me. I told this fantasy kim that I would put out for a ride home. She drove me home and I put out alright. This simple fantasies become worse and worse as time goes on. I really fear i'm loosing my mind now from the lack of sex. I'm more and more detached from society as the days go on. If I don't fuck something soon I think my dick is going to fall off. 

I'm even going into fantasy's as I write this. I'm facebook stalking Brittany Goll and boom the fantasy kicks in. She messages me through facebook and reminds me of the time she liked me when i was in 12th grade cause I reminded her of pete wentz (ugh i hate that guy) and then she suggests we hang out again. We do and it's fabulous. It's all really getting out of hand.

I don't know how much longer palmala Handerson is going to work for me. Even blank jerking me off has lost its flavor. hahaha. yeah right. Well rado is on his way back over. time to stop jerking off to pictures of girls I want to fuck and go back to drinking this problem away.

Kisses. XOXOXO

Nice Weekend

So i know I promised everyone a blog everyday and updates on the ugliest girls in my school and all that other shit but unfortunately two big things held me up from completing these goals. 1. Best friend and known associate Mike Radovich returned from college for the summer which means mostly every minute not spent at work is usually spent going to the gym, watching tv and getting food with him and 2. it was the weekend. I have a life so it was tough to want to post on the weekend when I could be out having fun with my friends. I choose to have fun and get drunk with the squad.

I'll recount my weekend since I don't really know what else to talk about tonight because I decided to hold off on the most hysterical stories until I have a nice following of readers. So thursday me and rado decided to start doing two a days at the gym to get ready for beach season. We're lifting a clean 115 right now which is pretty good for us considering we haven't even been working out for a month yet. We hope to get up to the 200 mark over the summer which isn't a stretch. It's something we can definitely complete. besides our two a day workout thursday we also went to the met game. Pretty substandard not much of an exiting story to tell there other then mets won. 

Friday was the pretty sweet day. Rado and I decided to dub it the first official day of summer even though I still have four more days of finals left. The reason we dubbed it the first day of summer was that witty witty witcomb's had a nice fun filled evening at his house. It was nice, there was some BP, lots of drinking and fun filled antics between me, rado and pumpkin. (For those of you who don't know who pumpkin is, that's Ryan Blank. Pumpkin is a nick name he wanted for himself in twelfth grade and it's stuck ever since.) The funnest parts of the night came after we smoked a blunt with Abbs and Waters. Me, Phil, Rado and Pumpkin went to 7-11. Phil doesn't smoke so you can imagine the torment he went through by me and rado. As he kept looking for food, I would knock whatever he picked up out of his hand. As we made our way back towards our houses blank told me to sleep over. I agreed since I didn't want to walk home at three in the morning and told Rado to sleep over too. We told phil to go home lol. The funniest part of the night was yet to come. On our way home we passed the best part of the night. A man streaking. That's right on our way home a naked man ran passed us saying that he had lost a bet and had to run around outside naked. It really sucked for this guy. We're sure that he made this bet with his friends because if he had lost and had to streak naked that he wouldn't have to worry about anyone outside since it was three in the morning. Boy was he wrong. We got some nice glimpses of the nudist as he bolted past us many times as we started following his jog for shits and giggles. A nice white ass he was sporting. The night dwindled down as we got back to blanks and he decided to get naked and show off his balls to us. It got funnier everytime he did it. Especially when he would clench his ass in the air and fart. Nothing's funnier then those cheeks clenching and letting out a breath of air. We passed out shortly after to wake up earlier then intended at noon to thunderous headaches and the ill fated beer shits.

The rest of the weekend went over without anything interesting besides seeing the absolutely amazing Star Trek saturday night. It was so bad ass and Mothers Day today went over smoothly without me getting into a car accident like last year and totally ruining Mother's Day. Now the day is winding down and there's only one thing left to do...Jerk Off. 

Here We Go Again

So I've been taking many trips down memory lane lately and it got me thinking about all the types of girls that we had in high school. I went to McArthur and for the most part it sucked except we did get some of the hottest girls in our grade and I really started thinking about the hottest of the hot in my grade from when we graduated in 2007. They all probably won't appreciate it but then again i'm not one for caring so i'd like to list to everyone my personal top ten hottest girls from my high school class. I'd also love to hear all you're top tens, or top five on the matter. I'm all ears. I feel that it's always a great thing to just say what you feel and everything because this is just a funny thing. There are too many blogs and people on blogs that whine about loving one girl and being obsessed over one girl but they never tell you her name or anything so you know who it is he's talking about. What's wrong with saying their name you're not saying anything bad. I mean that's not my case here most girls I talk about wind up hating me but that's because my mouth has no filter and never will but without further ado. Here is my top ten hottest girls in my high school class and why.

NUMBER 10... Kelly Smith.

I know what you all must be thinking she wasn't the hottest that we had in school and you're right there were hotter but Kelly makes the list not just based on looks. She's one of my sleeper picks that you just wouldn't expect to be on here. I've known Kelly since we went to elementary school together. That's a long time and one of the sexiest things about her is that I got to see her every year and how she grew up and got hotter and hotter with each year. She makes this list because as most of the girls on this list hit their stride in high school and still look the same now, Kelly continues to get hotter and hotter as each year passes.

NUMBER 9... Jenna West.

What makes Jenna on this list personal for me is her smile and her face. Not to say she doesn't have a great body cause she does but just one look at her when she's smiling or just thinking and it's enough to seal the deal. She has one of the cutest faces I think known to man and enough to melt any man. You can obviously tell now that my whole top ten is going to be consistent with girls that I stand no chance in hell with. When it comes to guys, I don't even come close to their pleathora but that's okay with me. Just standing near these golden godess is enough to make your life complete and who knows maybe some of their good looks rub off on you as osmosis.

NUMBER 8... Molly Orth.

I don't really have much to say about Molly cause I never really talked to her in high school or got to know her much which is a shame. Obviously only a shame for me lol She makes this list because what can I say...I dig red heads. They turn my shit on like no other. She has a cute smile too and for some reason a good smile is enough for me to squeeze a nice little NRB.

NUMBER 7... Jenna Schulman

Ah what can I say about the fabulous Jenna. Their is a story I have to tell about the fabulous Jenna and I was hoping to make a whole post about it but I don't think I have much to say other then the punch line. So i'll tell it here. We all know Jenna is gorgeous. She just has this whole porn star look that just grinds you up. She sassy and it gets me going. I was lucky enough, well not really lucky but I guess I am, to go out with her for a few weeks in eighth grade. I don't remember much of it cause let's face it i'm retarded and can't remember a lot but I remember that she actually liked me, something which really surprised me because I was not much of a looker in eighth grade...let alone now. But I was a pussy in eighth grade and never made a move to kiss her or anything. We basically were just a dating couple where I walked to her locker with her in between classes and we got friends to give each other notes. I was a huge pussy in eighth grade. we didn't even hang out. She would always ask me to hang out and go chill with her and her friends at swan pool or whatever it was called and I always gave an excuse as to why I couldn't. I didn't think I was funny enough or cool enough to go chill with the popular kids. I was an idiot. I had a hot girlfriend for a time and wouldn't go hang out with her. That's not the dumbest part. After a while it ran its course and what happened of course was going to happen. She broke up with me. Now here's where my true idiocy comes in. She wanted to go back out a day later or something and was talking to Eliot Ser about it. For some reason I had pride and respect for myself and when he told me she wanted to...I refused. Man did I have some balls to do that. tiny balls but balls at that. I look back at my old self in disgust of what I said after that. Eliot told me that she was willing to give me either a hand job or blow job. I don't remember which but it was something sexual and I still looked Elliot in the face and told him to tell her no. I hate myself sometimes.

NUMBER 6... Raquel Lirio

Another girl I have a fabulously pathetic story about on my account. We all know why Raquel makes the list so I don't think I really need to go into it but if you're retarded and don't understand it's because she's fucking ridiculously hot but onwards to my pathetic story. It was wildwood and I was quickly developing into the disgusting, crude kid that just didn't give a shit but I didn't let anyone see that. I held it in because I stupidly still had a girlfriend then. Monica Morace, ugh what a mistake that was but anyway for some reason Raquel was talking to me the first night. I couldn't believe it. This may have been the hottest girl to ever breath a word to me. I tried to play it cool, I obviously still cared about trying to impress people. Now I just don't give a shit. Now I post blogs to tell how scared and stupid I was when I was younger. Not scared anymore. Don't give a shit at all but anyway I cut a pair of my pants into short shorts because me and my friends are retarded. I planned on wearing them in the pool that rado and I brought. Anyway, we had Raquel in our room and I forget who else was in there but he left and it was just me and her. We were drunk. Well I was at least. She wanted to try my shorts on. I passed them to her and she took her pants off. Jesus himself couldn't look away from a girl this beautiful. In my head, I thought this was a signal to try and make a move. Obviously I didn't. I always said it was because I had a girlfriend and cared too much to cheat on her but we all know that's not the reason. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I kept telling myself to make a move thinking that she was putting herself out there but then I remember who I was talking to. This was Raquel Lirio. There was no way she was leaving a move open for me of all people to make. I let her try the shorts on and leave with them on without making any move cause i'm a pussy. She still has the shorts.

NUMBER 5... Alicia Levy

I don't have much to say about Alicia. Most of these girls if you went to our high school and knew then you obviously know why they're making the list. Before I finally became this self-loathing disgusting oddity of a person, I actually thought that with a little luck I could bag hot girls. That was a diluted fantasy I lived in. The biggest fantasy of them all was having a super hot crush on Alicia all through middle school. I remember passing a note back and forth with her in eighth grade in Social Studies with Mr. Reuben. She asked me who I liked. You can imagine what the retard I was said. I said her. How stupid of a thing could that be. What did I really expect the answer to be. "Oh my god that's such a coincidence I like you too!" Yeah right. I was the biggest fool on the hill. I obviously got the note back with her saying she didn't like anybody but thankfully it wasn't a complete loss and I didn't loose all of my self- esteem that day. She also wrote that I had gotten a lot hotter since last year. 

NOTE: Eighth grade was the year I cut my mushroom hair cut, started wearing jeans all the time and got rid of my braces. I don't know if this is a good basis to judge her claim on but i'm guessing those reasons are big factors.

NUMBER 4... Kiara McCarthy

*self explanitory. I dont really have anything to say in the way of Kiara. She is a gorgeous girl that deserves a spot on this list. She is very nice and funny and I guess just a pleasure to be around. I had a good amount of classes with her towards the end of my high school years and they were a lot of fun because of her. It's a blunder to think girls this hot actually talked to me and laughed at my jokes. She honestly seemed to enjoy my jokes and think I was funny. Either that or she's a great actress.

NUMBER 3... Amanda Sosnicki

This girl is one of two girls that I've never actually spoken a word to or associated with. She's on the list because she's ridiculously hot. She is a little tall but I think that's what the biggest turn on about her is. She makes it work. She looks perfect. I think my cousin Derek said it best when he said she's the girl no one wants. That sounds kind of bad but in the way we meant it was that everyone talked about how hot she was and that she was really the hottest thing but no one ever really tried for her or made a move on her because she was a bit tall. I didn't care about tallness. I'd do anything but I didn't think her tallness was a problem. To me, it worked for her. If only I had talked to her.

OH boy, the last two. who could it be. Get your predictions ready cause one of these last two is a huge sleeper pick.

NUMBER 2... Marlena Berretta

We all know why she gets number two. Just take a look at her and tell me she doesn't deserve it. Some may claim to me that she deserves to be number one and I tell you it was the hardest decision for me to not put Marlena as the number one spot. When Brendan was making predictions as to who my top ten would be he immediately said that Marlena was my number one and she very well may be if it wasn't for my number one but Marlena is just under this number one. Marlena is gorgeous. She may be one of the hottest girls that you ever may meet in your life. There isn't much hotter that you could find on this planet other then porn stars. I am fortunate enough to know Marlena and be friends with her but alas as with every single other one, it will always end with friend lol

And now the Number one. Many might be upset with this sleeper pick but my reasoning is justified.

NUMBER 1... Noelle Balletti

Okay everything take a deep breath and let me explain what makes her my number one. Besides the fact that I had a huge crush on her in tenth grade and that she is adorably cute. The number one reason that she makes number one in this list is the fact of how nice and ridiculously cute she is. She is absolute girlfriend material. That's what makes her number one. All the rest of the girls are amazing and i'm sure would make great girlfriends as well but with all the other girls if I was to picture it would end sooner or later not that I want to date anyone but I'm just saying that this girl is absolute girlfriend material. Like whole nine yards girlfriend material take to movie, take to dinner, take to meet parents, take anywhere on the face of the planet she would like. I am not the only one who agrees big jim agrees with me on this and she will remain my number one hottest from our high school class.

I was planning on adding a top 10 ugliest from high school but after trying to just find five of them I was disgusted to the point of regurgitation so i had to stop. That one will be too funny and too long to add to this one so I will be doing that post tomorrow along with the top 5 girls i'm crushing on now and why me and blank should have won best friends forever in high school

Goodnight and good luck... 

Spooky

okay so today's post is something of a freaky thing for me. The girl I work with at work brought in a book today called the secret language of birthday's. Usually I look at all these things as complete bullshit that it just puts a bunch of generalizations there to kind of spook u into thinking that they know you're life so well. I read mine and was completely shocked. They pinpointed every single aspect of my life and gave good reasons to it. They dictated my whole life to an exact science which now has me pretty depressed. I now have the proof that's been haunting me for so long that I may actually be this devil person and loner for the rest of my life. It's basically stated in the whole fucking paragraph. The fucking thing is titled the day of the lone wolf. It makes me feel that there is no absolution to the end of my loneliness. Not that I'm ever one to complain much about the fact that I'm alone and I don't and won't ever have a companion. I was just hoping that maybe their would be the day where that would change but now apparently according to this thing it's not. I'm destined to be my own social paradox. and just so that you're not only hearing it from me. I wrote down the whole paragraph which i'm going to put on in a sec so that you can judge for yourself if this is a spitting image of me. The worst part is I don't know if it's funny that they've exacted these demon image of me or completely fucking sad.

Here's what the thing said.

NOVEMBER 28TH. THE DAY OF THE LONE WOLF

The highly intense individuals born on november 28 must pursue their own course. Living paradoxes, those born on this day are complex individuals who never cease to amaze their family and friends with their unique combination of aggression and sensitivity. Their ideology is extremely important to them, but it can change in a bewildering fashion, its twists and turns leading through a maze of irony and high seriousness. For example, it may be difficult to determine whether a november 28 individual is conservative or radical, right- or left wing, an upholder of the social order or anarchic rebel. Ultimately such terms have little meaning in reference to November 28 thought patterns, which must be understood on their own terms.

Although November 28 people appear to others as physical types, the primary thrust of their day is mental, even intellectual. No matter what their walk of life or profession, they can often be found arguing their case, refusing to submit to any ready-made dogmas or belief systems. They are basically self-taught thinkers, and for many, school is at best an annoyance and at worst an imprisonment. They have a strong penchant to take the opposing point of view due to their resistance to absolute statements and generalizations of all types.

November 28 people enjoy pointed humor, and will use wit and irony as powerful weapons against their opponents and also as a means to clarify and give shape to their own views. Most often, however, they make an impression of forthright seriousness. Emotionally, November 28 people are usually caught up in their own personal maelstrom. Romantic relationships may surface with frequency, but those born on this day have enormous difficulties in maintaining stability in this area. Their friendships, on the other hand, are usually rock solid, and highly meaningful. Those who are involved with them will never forget the experience- difficult, maddening, recalcitrant and paradoxical, they go their own way and do their own thing. For example, they can be among the most generous of individuals and yet at other times the most selfish. Often their goodness and true nature is more easily understood by animals and small children, on a purely intuitive level, than by a critical, analytical adult mind. A love of nature and of the animal world is in face sacred to them, being their one constant refuge from disappointing and uncertain human experiences.

Perhaps the greatest problem for November 28 people is coming to understand themselves and being able to straighten out their complex, difficult personalities. Usually it is seething emotions which keep them from viewing themselves in a more objective light. Many born on this day use their work as an escape from what seems an excessive self-involvement. Concerning the four major faculties of perception- intellect, emotion, intuition, sensation-a titanic effort must be made by November 28 people to bring these into balance. Only then can they progress in their personal development and come to terms with the society around them.

and thats all she wrote and it scares the shit out of me. The last paragraph is enough to destroy my own process of thought. They now i'm destructive and they see right through it. They see through the lies, the decite, the manipulation. What's a brother to do now? I'm fucked. 

Odd Mistakes

So it's 12:55 and i'm massively bored so I thought i'd grace you all with once more post that I have left in me. I was watching Signs and it just started to get me going on some of the most idiotic plot holes based in movies today so I thought I'd give a nice run down of some of my favorite plot holes in movies. 

First and foremost I think I'll start with the movie that got me thinking about these plot holes. Signs. For those of you who don't know the movie it's made by that indian guy that has never made a good movie and don't any of you tell me that the sixth sense is a good movie because that has such a bad plot hole just like all his other movies. So signs is about an impending alien invasion that this rural family is connected to. Now I'm not going to get into the whole plot because it's a waste of time so we'll just skip to the end. The family is attacked in their home by the aliens and they ward off the aliens by throwing all the glasses of water that Mel Gibsons daughter leaves around the house. This wounds the alien so badly that they pack up their shit and get the fuck out of there. Now here is where I have trouble enjoying this movie. These aliens are supposed to be smart, intellectual beings from another planet. They've mastered space travel and are looking for a planet to take over. Now maybe i'm just spitballing here but don't you think if you're planning on taking over a planet that you would care to check that the planet their taking over is made up of 70% water. The exact thing that is so lethal to them.

You'd think the indian dude would have learned from his mistakes but sadly he doesn't. Signs was the second travesty in plot holeitis. The Sixth Sense the movie that put him on the map wasn't without its own fallacies. I think we all know the big secret by now that Bruce Willis is a ghost but thats where the rest of the movie becomes really perplexing to me. Did he not realize he was a ghost? Did he suddenly think that everyone in the world had become angry at him and were choosing not to talk to him? Also no one assigned him to this kid, he just seems to be a ghost that walks up to random children offering advice which isn't the best way to run a business bruce.

Another favorite little conundrum to me is in the Shawshank Redemption. We reach the end of the movie and everyone becomes so happy he's escaped and finally made it out you miss out on a little strange problem. If Andy escaped through the hole by himself in a room where he was alone how did he manage once he was inside the hole to put the poster back up perfectly covering up the hole? Also I like Andy's cockiness at the end of the movie. After living in prison for twenty years and finally escaping. He goes on the run as a fugitive but yet still has enough time to make it out to the country side to bury some nice money for morgan freeman. Thats so sweet Andy

I recently watched the lord of the rings trilogy which is quickly becoming one of my favorite trilogies as a movie going experience. With putting that aside there is just one thing that needs to be said on plot holes. It's that there is no need for the three movies. At the end of the return of the king frodo and sam almost at their end as lava spills around them these flying eagles with gandalf appear and pick them up and take them off to safety. Now I just may be a cynic here or something but why didn't in the fellowship when gandalf told frodo that he had to take it to mordor didn't he suggest taking these flying creatures that could have easily flown him to mordor and drop the ring in the pit. It would have saved them a lot of time and miles. 

Another thing I cant get over is James Bond. He's a secret agent for god's sake. Why does he tell anyone who asks his name. As a matter of fact. He tells them his name twice for fuck's sake.

Jurassic Park is up next. After two scenes establishing the T-Rex as a huge, thunderous predator (the famous "water glass" and "puddle" scenes, where the stomping dino creates water ripples hundreds of feet away), we have the final battle in the main hall. Two raptors are about to make entrees out of our hero and the kids, when the three-story Rex saves the day by snacking on the smaller reptiles. Where was the 30-foot door? And since it was a surprise attack, did the Rex creep up on the humans and a pair of the worlds deadliest reptilian predators? Must've been wearing those Patrick Ewing-sized Nikes.

Independence Day. It's your turn. I have many problems with this movie.

There are millions of holes in this flick, but the most annoying & obvious one (to me) is Will Smith's character explaining he could pilot the alien craft: "I've seen their maneuvering capabilities, sir." Using this logic, I should be able to place in NASCAR if I watch enough ESPN, or fly a harrier jet by watching "True Lies."

I would say the biggest plot hole in this movie is the computer virus that gets introduced into the alien's system. First of all, it was written on an Apple Macintosh Powerbook. Now, since not all of the Macintosh line is compatible with each other, how could it possibly be compatible with a COMPLETELY ALIEN SYSTEM?!? furthermore how am I supposed to believe that an alien system that is designed to travel space and can annihilate our planet is so easy to be destroyed by a simple virus we've programmed into it. Wouldn't the aliens be able to wipe the virus away in  a heartbeat. 

Also why after the ship from area 51 has been missing for over four decades to this alien species would they let it enter the command center without asking it one question about where its been for the past forty or so years?

lol just a few questions for you all to ponder about you're favorite movies. I'll have more soon. I have a bunch on transformers and star wars but those are too long for me to get into I could go for days on those. Lata bitches

D.O.A.

Another quick little update here of an old funny story I remember that i'd love to share. It's a story about when I first started learning what I could truly do with my penis besides clense it. I was about thirteen years old and had just recently discovered that I had the talent to masturbate. It was mind blowing to me. The only problem is that i'm retarded. I honestly thought that I was the only one who had this power. I thought I was a mutant like an X-Men. I thought I was the only person on the planet with the power to shoot a white discharge from my penis. I felt I had to strongly develop these powers though as I could only make the white discharge come out after hitting it a bunch of times. That wouldn't be very handy in combat when my powers would be needed.

It actually leads to the hysterical day that I confessed to my dad that I had these powers a year later. You can probably guess how stupid I felt after realizing that all I was doing is jerking off and cumming something that every single male on the face of the planet could do. It was a sad and upsetting day but thats not where the full effect of this story comes into place. My dad told me that this was an everyday occurence and bless his heart the little angel that he was introduced me to playboy and the wonders that could be done to help masturbation. After these tidbits of knowledge where unfolded to me I beat my dick like it owed me money. Day after day coming home from school I would flog the log until that fateful day...

...that my mom walked in and caught me in the middle of it. I can understand now that i'm older the lie that she told me to keep me from jerking off even though it was cruel. I flashed my dick away so fast I was hoping that she wouldn't notice what I was doing but she wasn't having it. She saw and she was not happy. She took me in the other room and while washing my hands repeatedly, she told me that every time that I did that that a cat would die.

I couldn't believe it. All this time that I was pleasuring myself was at another things expense. I couldn't believe that an innocent species was being killed off all thanks to my selfishness. I would never do such a thing again, not if it cost the lives of millions of innocent cats. Days and weeks and months went by and I refused to touch myself. It was the worst experience in the world as it had become one of my favorite things to do. I loved it so much but I could not do it anymore and it killed me until finally the day came two months later where I said fuck it and decided to jerk off. It was only one cat and besides I was a dog person anyway. 

I went home that day after class, went straight to the computer and started watching some sweet sweet lesbian porn. I gave a good three minute jerk session before cumming onto a tissue. I cleaned myself up, got changed and called Ryan to see if he wanted to hang out. He did and I went to the front door to walk to his house. Upon leaving the house the first thing I saw heading towards the side walk was, you guessed it, a sweet little cat eating a bird in the middle of the street. I smiled at it but it was short lived. A mere second later and a car came zooming by and leveled the cat into a heeping pile of guts and hair. I stared at the site I just witnessed absolutely appalled. I went to ryans house and never jerked off ever again. Since that day six years ago I have not and never will masturbate...

...I give myself wicked hand jobs though ; )

10 Years Today

So this is it? This is how I'm going to do it from now on. It always seems so hard to control all my thoughts and remember them to tell all the hysterical stories that I tell with my wingman these days. That's where this thing is going to come in. This will be my median to relate all my stories to. Mostly Daily and weekly I will post ridiculous hysterical sex stories, regular funny stories and disgustingly fucked up things on here. This is going to be my own little world. This is going to be the most fucked up blog you ever put your eyes upon. There's nothing sacred in my brain that I won't touch upon. This is my world. This is Tj Trimboli

Let's see where to start first today. There hasn't been much in the way of sex in about two weeks so theres no funny story to tell there but don't worry it will come. I don't know how it pulls off but the low standards aspect of my life really pulls into the massive amounts of sex I have. It's just a way of life for me and my best friend and wingman Ryan Blank. It's a creed to live by and that everyone should start living by. I don't know where we got it in our heads in our lives that we had to be with the hottest girls way out of our league. That only leads us to a long life of not getting laid and massive amounts of jerking off. I'm not saying don't go for a hottie but don't neglect the troll/horse/butterface in the corner begging for a nice thanksgiving day stuffing. Sure she's not grand to look at but who gives a fuck as long as you're getting your dick wet right? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the fact that the uglier girls do more stuff. Maybe it's the fact that the uglier girls tend to lead to funnier stories. All I have to say is when you die would you rather have gone out having sex with only like five hot girls or have died having sex with like a hundred or more okay looking chicks.

The sad thing is most of my friends with the exception of ryan don't follow this code. Brendan won't stoop as low as us no matter what. I give him credit for that too because it takes a lot to be as feeble minded and evil hearted as Ryan and I. All i'm saying is just drink to the point where you don't know what she looks like, put her doggystyle and fuck the shit out of her. Thats where it should lie and I will share a beer with any man that adopts this religion. This is going to be my new religion. 

High Confidence, Low Standards is what it should be called. Thats how we should all live our lives. Any man that follows this creed will be my best friend. This is the religion here. Fuck Christianity. Fuck God. He's not even real. We're based on fabrications. I'm not going to follow a guy that's not even real. I don't live my life by fictional characters. That is why this creed is such a key to life right now for use young teenagers. We're fucking horny all the time. Jerking off gets boring after a while. Suck it up fuck an ugly girl and congratulations you have now had sex and you can get her to do it again and again and can even get a hundred more like that and congratulations you have more sex then the one guy who waits six years for that one hot girl to be too drunk to realize what she's doing. 

Now I won't say that jerking off is a complete waste of time. I had an incredible jerk off session last night. Like shuffling through dozens of different types of porno while stroking the coke. Unfortunately I couldn't get the volume up to the decibel level we'd all love it to be because let's face it most of the time guys jerk off there parents are home. Well at least I think so. I may just be a sick fuck that whacks off while his mom is in the next room. That's a real shame for me too. It's tough to really get the full effect when theres no volume. I just don't cum as quick when I don't hear Audrey Bitoni or Ava Devine screaming for a nice cock in their fucking cunt. The volume is my biggest companion in jerking off. I don't like to last as long as I do during sex for jerking off. I got shit to do. I want to grab the dick stroke, stroke, stroke done. I like to be done one two three. I last maybe three minutes jerking off. That's two minutes shorter then how long I can have sex for. hahaha just kidding but seriously...

The best ending was the cum shot. There's nothing better then feeling that buildup to the point of hot seminal fluid pouring out of your eye hole. Which leads me to the big question of where does everyone cum? The most obvious answer some of my friends give is in a tissue or they do it in the shower which really is depressing to me cause how do you get a good jerk off when you're in the shower. Which leads me to the big pull off for me. It's probably disgusting to all of you but I cum onto my underwear. Sometimes I just lay in bed jerking off and I jerk off into my underwear. Then just ball up the underwear and throw it in the hamper for my dad to clean. He's a whizz at cleaning cum stains. I mean he cant anymore since the vasectomy but me and zack fill the cup. Zack is the king of sick when it comes to jerking off I'm almost upset he beats me. My dad thought it was sick enough that I jerk off into my underwear but it is nothing compared to my brother jerking off into his socks. The funniest thing my dad ever told us at the dinner table that he'd take washing my cum undies over zack's tube socks anyday. That he pulls them out of the hamper and it's like cardboard. That may be the funniest thing I've ever heard. In conclusion I would love to hear thoughts on your jerking off patterns. I would even love to learn more about girls masturbating cause it's bull when a girl says she doesn't. She of course clicks the mouse, she just doesn't want to seem disgusting for it. I need input besides my disgusting life.

Man one post down and that flooded out quickly. I hope you enjoyed the first look into a sick mind and a sick life that I live. check everyday for updated stories about me, my family, my friends, our times together living in this teenage wasteland. I love every minute of it.