My Highway To Hell

so it's sunday. For once actually dreading going to work which is weird since I get paid good money for doing jack shit so I don't know why I don't want to go so badly. Tonight's post I decided to really go deep and share some tidbit of knowledge with you all that I have never shared with anyone before in my life. 

The reasoning I've never told anybody this was because it destroyed me. I don't care so much now since I actually figured out the faith in which I believe in but as a kid when this story happened and I still believe in god it was a tremendous blow for me and I was so afraid for so long that what I did was going to send me to hell. Not like that story matters now since there are hundreds of things that I'm going to be persecuted for. 

Anyway this story happened somewhere between seventh and eighth grade right after the september eleventh attacks. The single handedly worst thing that happened to this country. I'm indifferent to it now. back then I thought it meant the end of us all. Now it's nothing but a memory of a dark day. Bodies lost that are pointless to mourn now. It's in the past. Fuck the past. 

I had to be in a religion class because my dad wanted me to have a communion and confirmation and all that bullshit. It means nothing to me now just wasted time that could have been spent on better things then learning about a fictional fucking character. So one night in religion we learned that we could collect money, toys, etc. to bring into our religion class that they would send to the kids and families that have lost a life in the twin towers. This was back in my days of thinking I was an honorable person that tried to do good and was a good person. I realize now that it's a mistake. I'm not a good person. I'm not even an okay person. 

So I made a sign that said to help out the world trade center fund. I sat out in my driveway all day with a jug and made around 100 dollars from people putting in dollars to five dollars, etc. I couldn't believe how good I did. I put the money aside waiting for my next religion class next week. Things didn't go accordingly to plan. Next week the day before religion my mom took us to the book story cause she had to run errands. Inside was the third volume collection of spiderman comics. About 100 comics in one book which was about 60 bucks. I dug into my wallet. The money for the world trade center kids was there. 

I spent the 60 bucks that was supposed to go to the world trade center kids who lost a life to buy spiderman comics. I spent the rest on movies and cd's. Religion came the next day and I had nothing to give to the kids who lost practically everything by loosing their parents. But what do I care right? I'm the evil soul remember.

So there it is. The single thing that made me rethink about my faith, my religion, and my belief in God. It really signified it two years later when on the day before september 11th my first year of college I told the professor I couldn't come in because I spend the day with my mom mourning the death of my father in the twin towers who if you know me at all is a complete lie. both my parents are alive. I just didn't want to go to school. 

I have no shame. I have no filter. I have no hope.