Spooky

okay so today's post is something of a freaky thing for me. The girl I work with at work brought in a book today called the secret language of birthday's. Usually I look at all these things as complete bullshit that it just puts a bunch of generalizations there to kind of spook u into thinking that they know you're life so well. I read mine and was completely shocked. They pinpointed every single aspect of my life and gave good reasons to it. They dictated my whole life to an exact science which now has me pretty depressed. I now have the proof that's been haunting me for so long that I may actually be this devil person and loner for the rest of my life. It's basically stated in the whole fucking paragraph. The fucking thing is titled the day of the lone wolf. It makes me feel that there is no absolution to the end of my loneliness. Not that I'm ever one to complain much about the fact that I'm alone and I don't and won't ever have a companion. I was just hoping that maybe their would be the day where that would change but now apparently according to this thing it's not. I'm destined to be my own social paradox. and just so that you're not only hearing it from me. I wrote down the whole paragraph which i'm going to put on in a sec so that you can judge for yourself if this is a spitting image of me. The worst part is I don't know if it's funny that they've exacted these demon image of me or completely fucking sad.

Here's what the thing said.

NOVEMBER 28TH. THE DAY OF THE LONE WOLF

The highly intense individuals born on november 28 must pursue their own course. Living paradoxes, those born on this day are complex individuals who never cease to amaze their family and friends with their unique combination of aggression and sensitivity. Their ideology is extremely important to them, but it can change in a bewildering fashion, its twists and turns leading through a maze of irony and high seriousness. For example, it may be difficult to determine whether a november 28 individual is conservative or radical, right- or left wing, an upholder of the social order or anarchic rebel. Ultimately such terms have little meaning in reference to November 28 thought patterns, which must be understood on their own terms.

Although November 28 people appear to others as physical types, the primary thrust of their day is mental, even intellectual. No matter what their walk of life or profession, they can often be found arguing their case, refusing to submit to any ready-made dogmas or belief systems. They are basically self-taught thinkers, and for many, school is at best an annoyance and at worst an imprisonment. They have a strong penchant to take the opposing point of view due to their resistance to absolute statements and generalizations of all types.

November 28 people enjoy pointed humor, and will use wit and irony as powerful weapons against their opponents and also as a means to clarify and give shape to their own views. Most often, however, they make an impression of forthright seriousness. Emotionally, November 28 people are usually caught up in their own personal maelstrom. Romantic relationships may surface with frequency, but those born on this day have enormous difficulties in maintaining stability in this area. Their friendships, on the other hand, are usually rock solid, and highly meaningful. Those who are involved with them will never forget the experience- difficult, maddening, recalcitrant and paradoxical, they go their own way and do their own thing. For example, they can be among the most generous of individuals and yet at other times the most selfish. Often their goodness and true nature is more easily understood by animals and small children, on a purely intuitive level, than by a critical, analytical adult mind. A love of nature and of the animal world is in face sacred to them, being their one constant refuge from disappointing and uncertain human experiences.

Perhaps the greatest problem for November 28 people is coming to understand themselves and being able to straighten out their complex, difficult personalities. Usually it is seething emotions which keep them from viewing themselves in a more objective light. Many born on this day use their work as an escape from what seems an excessive self-involvement. Concerning the four major faculties of perception- intellect, emotion, intuition, sensation-a titanic effort must be made by November 28 people to bring these into balance. Only then can they progress in their personal development and come to terms with the society around them.

and thats all she wrote and it scares the shit out of me. The last paragraph is enough to destroy my own process of thought. They now i'm destructive and they see right through it. They see through the lies, the decite, the manipulation. What's a brother to do now? I'm fucked.